The Friend Zone

The friend zone. Every dude’s worst nightmare.

The phenomenon of the friend zone is an interesting one. The secular world often attributes it to a guy, who tries really hard to show a chick he likes how awesome he is — so that she will want to date him. BUT, she prefers him to be her friend.

Basically, the friend zone works on the idea that a dude is entitled to a relationship and/or sex by being nice to a chick; and then doesn’t get what he’s entitled to.

Let’s clear some things up …

No one is entitled to a romantic relationship just because they are a great friend or nice. Why? Because being a great friend doesn’t mean you’d make a great significant other nor that the person sees you as someone they would like romantically.

Before you think, oh poor me, remember there are people that you also wouldn’t see as romantic potentials; even if they are nice.

Does the friend zone exist in Christian circles?

I’d say that it does and it doesn’t. Most solid Christian men and women understand that being kind, compassionate and loving to their Christian sisters/brothers doesn’t entitle them to a date. They know that they are called to clothe themselves in the fruits of the Spirit and emulate them.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.- Galatians 5: 22-24

Yet, Christian young men/women, often bemoan that there aren’t any chicks/dudes interested in their godly selves, despite how hard they try.

Now you might be a nice guy and a great friend who’s single, or a nice chick and a great friend who’s single but there’s a problem with using the friend zone as an excuse for that. Being friend zoned works on ego and pride. It presumes that by being a great friend and then not being taken up by the person as a significant other, means that they’ve failed to see how great you are or treat you how you think you deserve to be. Believing you deserve something means that you believe you have met the criteria for being given the right to it.

When we’re told to put on the fruits of the Spirit, we are to also crucify the flesh. We are commanded to keep in step with the Spirit and not to become conceited.

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited,provoking and envying each other. – Galatians 5:25-26

Do you deserve to be dated just because you’re someone’s good friend?

The clear answer to this is no. Christians are never promised that they will be given a boyfriend or girlfriend by being nice. It’s not wrong to desire to get married, however, it is wrong to treat it as an entitlement and whinge when you don’t get it.

Sometimes being content in singleness is hard, particularly when the world is giving you a mythical out when you’re unsatisfied with it.

You should want to be in the friend zone.

Now the friend zone isn’t a thing. If you want someone who sees you as a friend to consider you as a romantic prospect, ask them on a date. However, the principle that landed you in this mythical friend zone is also a great one to apply to any relationship.

Be a good friend before being a significant other. You’ll have a more solid foundation of who the person you’re dating is, rather than building that whilst trying to figure out all the other fun dynamics of a relationship.


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